my feet swing back and forth

I watch as my feet swing back and forth,

I’ve never been scared of heights,

My eyes land on an innocent deer;

It had a family, and a beautiful forest home,

But most importantly, this deer has a child.

Suddenly I feel my stomach drop,

I shed a tear.

I see a dark figure heading my way,

I feel my original confusion.
Then I run.

I see the positive pregnancy test,

I feel the jolt of emotion as I cry out.

To no one.

I close my eyes to fight memories off.

I focus on the trees and the birds,

As they emerge from the safety and take a chance,

Each bird flying to and from their safe haven.

When I remember that night in the alley,

The night my purity was stolen from me.

My legs had ached from running,

My arms were burning from fighting,

He had hit me, beat me until…

I thanked God when he went missing,

And didn’t dare question it.

It had been six months.

I stared at the trees, helplessly,

I let tears fall down my cheeks.

There was a beautiful silence,

As I sat on the edge of the railroad tracks.

All I could hear were faint songs from the birds,

The whole world was whispering.

I had sprinted back home, looking for safety,

Praying my ill mother survived the months alone,

I walked into a silent house.

I saw my still silent mother.

Laying on the floor of our home.

I let out a silent scream.

Now here I was on this railroad track.

Watching my legs swing back and forth,

Watching the birds and the deer,

Watching the slight sway of the trees;

All the while building a dam,

Trying to keep the memories from flooding in.

One year ago I lost my purity.

Six months ago I lost my mother.

Five months ago I lost living for myself,

Four months ago I lost my child, and my hope.

Three months ago I lost and left my home.

Ever since I’ve been here,

Crying over the rays of hope I keep finding and losing.

Over and over again.